Remake Rant

Dear CG,

They’re remaking Total Recall.

Wtf?! They’re remaking Total Recall?!

Wtf. There seems to be a theme of  remaking Arnold movies – I believe a Conan the Barbarian movie is being released as well. I wonder if Cameron would ever allow a Terminator remake? And then there’ll be a Predator remake. And then a Kindergarten Cop remake starring Dwayne Johnson (you KNOW he’d be perfect for that role.)

But Total Recall…I hold some strong feelings for that movie. I mean the first time I ever saw it was when I was 6 or 7, but the plot is just so good. And who could ever forget the reason no one could ever find Kuato, the renown fortuneteller, was cause he was fused into George’s stomach?!!?? Kuato comes out and probes Quaid’s (Arnold) mind…. “You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory.” And then as he’s dying, “Quaid, Quaid…Start the reactor. Free Mars… ” SO GOOD.

This movie was also the first set of boobs I had ever encountered in my life. An alien prostitute tries to entice Quaid by flashing him all three of her boobs… that was confusing for me at the time…

You would think I would be super pumped for a movie I am raving about to be remade, but I stare at the IMDB page in disgust. Total Recall (2012) will be starring Colin Farrell as Quaid. Ugh, really? It sounds like one of those “couldn’t find anyone else” situations. Although, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel are playing the evil/good babes (also John Cho playing McClane) – I just can’t get over the Farrell.

I will most probably be watching it opening night.

Toodles,

Cho-d

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